Color You’ll Be Seeing At Proms Everywhere

The award goes to… the color red! Continuing the trend from the Golden Globes, if there’s one definitive awards season color trend it’s playing match the carpet. We’re not won over by Anne Hathaway’s red Valentino, but Sandra Bullock was beautiful in Vera Wang, Rhea Durham (Mark Wahlberg’s wife) in Naeem Khan was one of our favorite uses of red, and Jennifer Lawrence’s Calvin Klein dress isn’t the most memorable, but is a choice that would be almost universally flattering. Penelope Cruz is beautiful, but we’re not crazy about her L’Wren Scott dress.

Best Dressed Minimalist

How do we decide this one? Gwyneth Paltrow was a bit flashier in Calvin Klein with Louis Vuitton accessories, but we loved Reese Witherspoon’s white-trimmed Armani Prive black dress as well. There will probably be a bit of disagreement over Witherspoon’s Barbarella-worthy hair, but with an understated shape and colors, we think it’s the perfect pick for a bit of experimentation as far as hair and accessories go.

Best Dressed In a Real Life Transformative Role

Jennifer Hudson’s had a number of transformative life experiences, and they seem to have all given her a level of fashion confidence that she didn’t have when she first walked away with Oscar gold (also made, by the way, in Hudson’s hometown of Chicago). We only have one descriptor for Hudson’s tangerine Versace dress and overall look – wow!

Best Style Newcomer

We’re still not totally sold on her Prada stripes for the red carpet, but overall Hailee Steinfeld has been killing it this awards season. She didn’t disappoint in embellished Marchesa last night, and we sincerely hope Steinfeld continues to get great roles because we’ve become quite attached to seeing (and loving) her style picks.

Best Demonstration of Ageless Style

Helen Mirren in Vivienne Westwood. That is all.

Best Representation of Classic Hollywood Glamour

Hilary Swank’s sequined and feathered Gucci dress and upswept hair were nothing but glamor. The “inspired by” dresses are going to look like a disaster, but the original is pitch perfect.

Best Negative Publicity Deflection

Remember that nasty potential custody battle Halle Berry was gearing up for with model ex Gabriel Aubry? No? Thank that lovely Marchesa dress.

Best Use of Accessories

Amy Adams’ shimmering, dark blue L’Wren Scott dress was a favorite that continued the all over sequin trend, but we couldn’t stop looking at the huge, vibrant green emeralds on her neck and wrist. The Cartier jewels were worth a reported $1.35 million and looked every bit of it.

Best Fashion Risk

Cate Blanchett is sure to end up on the worst dressed list for those who like their red carpet fashion safe, and this is definitely one that takes a strong dose of personal style to pull off. Blanchett has plenty of that though and the circular bodice, beaded accents and architectural sleeves on her Givenchy dress work for her.

Best Dressed, Quaker Edition

Florence Welch in Valentino is a lot more buttoned up than the red carpet looks we’re used to seeing, but in a very (very) classic Little House on the Prairie way it’s a unique look that stands out without the normal glitter and jewels that are the standby way to stand out, and Welch pulls it off.

Best Oscar Impersonator

Valentino Garavani. The only man with a patina that Oscar would be jealous of.

Best Dressed In a Supporting Role

You know who doesn’t always get credit for fashion choices? Oscar dates. Camila Alves (Matthew McConaughey’s wife), Sunrise Coigney (Mark Ruffalo’s wife) and Rhea Durham (see: top of the page) may not have been up for any awards themselves, but Alves and Coigney were every bit the leading style ladies in grand black dresses that deserve an award of their own. Alves wore Kaufman Franco.

Pay close attention, because these are names which will only be mentioned once a year on Signature9 (well, possibly twice if we’re looking ahead to April 1st), especially next to the word “inspiration.” Now, 7 costume ideas inspired by the faces that frighten us throughout the year.

Shauna Sand

The latest Hollywood starlet to try to move off the D-list via sex tape, Sand has never found an occasion where lucite wasn’t appropriate.

How to get the look: Lucite heels, a little spandex (really – as little as possible), frosted lip gloss and black eyeliner are all you need to pull this one off. And before you leave the house, don’t forget to take one thing off. Shauna would probably suggest underwear.

Kim Zolciak’s Wig

The Real Housewife of Atlanta star has drawn attention from her first frame on the small screen with her doll-like wig. Diane von Furstenberg pulls off the look on the cover of Purple magazine.

How to get the look: If you can’t get your hands on a Margiela coat for the costume, scalp a few Barbie dolls and piece together. We can’t guarantee that you’ll look as good as Diane, but you’ll probably still do better than Kim.

Lindsay Lohan

From fresh faced to frightening in five years flat. We won’t say she’s aging in dog years, but the once glowing star now looks to be in the same age range as her mother.

How to get the look: You won’t be able to achieve it overnight, but buy a minimum 5 bottles of self tanner and apply liberally.  Apply pasties (Ungaro, of course), “borrow” jeans with a bag of baking soda in the pocket, pick up an automobile fender to carry around and voila! You are La Lohan.

Jocelyn Wildenstein

Is any explanation necessary?

How to get the look: Purchase a plastic princess mask. Melt for 15 minutes. Done!

Katie Price/Jordan/Jodie Marsh/Roxanne (Alex Reid)

They’re almost interchangeable at this point, but read on for the subtle differences in costume.

How to get the look: The costumes all start the same: 2 round balloons, over-inflated and placed at chest level. A Borat style swimsuit made of pleather, metallic lamé or glitter covered nylon and a pair of heels made for streetwalking are the foundation. Apply 3 coats of pancake makeup, bronzer and false lashes. Top with a wig made of Amy Winehouse’s rehabbed beehive.

For Jodie Marsh, sprinkle with glitter and desperation, add rhinestones. For Katie Price/Jordan, volunteer inappropriate information throughout the night, insult any other women in similar costume for being trashy. And for Roxanne (Alex Reid),  add a pair of stockings, cross your legs and look like more of a lady than the girls next to you. That might actually be the easiest.

Jon Gosselin

While he’s pulled his 8 children off of TV and out of the spotlight, we haven’t had as much luck getting Jon Gosselin to do the same.

How to get the look: 3 hours in Ed Hardy, 15 minutes at Claire’s (for the rhinestone ear dazzlers), 2 women half your age (and no more than 2.5 x the age of your oldest child), a bald spot and a clock on 14:58 will make this look complete. Accessorize with 8 child dolls, but only because Halloween’s on a weekend.

Chantal Biya

With hair that the Toddlers and Tiaras crowd can only dream of, there is no one on the world stage who can compete with Cameroon’s first lady. We’re only frightened because of what Ms. Biya might be hiding in her hair.

How to get the look:  Buy the Dallas DVD set. Purchase a wig, tease until it is exactly 3.14 times (this look is both art and science) the height of Alexis Carrington’s. Pair with a power suit from the same decade, add jewels and a bow. Accessorize with an air of indignation at the starlets who try to look better than you. Know in your heart that they never will because you have backup bows tucked safely away beneath your first layer of hair. Just look at that picture: Michelle, who?