Our family photos don't look like this either

Over the weekend, the fashion designer formerly known as Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) gave birth to a 7 lb. 10 oz. baby girl named Harper Seven. She joins unusually named siblings Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz, but is Victoria and David Beckham‘s first girl.

There’s no word on where Harper came from – though it seems perfect for selling exclusive baby picture rights to Harper’s Bazaar – but Seven is for David Beckham’s old Manchester United jersey number. Or, the Beckhams are big Erykah Badu fans (she has a son named Seven).

Either way, we’re sure Suri Cruise is going to have some fierce competition for best dressed toddler in a few months. The Daily Mail reported that little Harper has a pair of custom made, red-soled Louboutin baby booties waiting for her and a mini closet  full of designer onesies, but the story has since gone missing (you can still read a hilarious recap at DListed). Which means it’s not certain that Harper Beckham will be next in our awkward stages of girlhood trend watch, but when your pre-arrival photos look like this

it’s pretty much a given that stepping up the glamour is a requirement, even if you can’t actually walk.

Heels from 5-year-old Suri Cruise's $150,000 shoe collection

We’ll start with Suri Cruise‘s $150,000 shoe collection, because it’s actually the least disturbing of the grown-up gifts trend. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise obviously have more money than most parents, so it’s probably not too much of a surprise that little Suri has some expensive things. What is a little bit of a surprise is how far the couple goes to satisfy their daughter’s sartorial wishes. It’s not that Tom and Katie stocked up on a walk in closet full of regular kids shoes; Suri’s starting her race to knock Imelda Marcos from her Shoe Queen throne on custom Christian Louboutin and Marc Jacobs shoes. {ABC News} We’re assuming those weren’t cheap.

While we’d normally recommend using a different color for any shoe sole add-ons, this is one situation where we have to say stickers or paint are probably the best way to go for any red soled shoe desires. Especially if the person who really wants the shoes is five and will likely outgrow the shoes in a year.

Further up the awkward meter is the Trendy Monkeys Salon and “Princess Parlour.” The English salon caters strictly to a 13 and under crowd, and offers mani/pedis, fruit smoothie facials and hair styling. All of which seems like it might be fun for little girls who want to have a little princess experience, but don’t have parents who can splash out for bespoke heels. Here’s where it gets a little weird: the salon also offers makeup and spray tan booths, which would seem to push things into that awkward child-pageant territory where you’re not quite sure how to feel about what you’re seeing. The youngest patron so far was 16-months old. {Daily Mail}

We’ve all been in that uncomfortable situation where someone whips out a baby picture and is like “isn’t little ____ so gorgeous?” and you’re like “ummm… awww!” because you don’t want to be the person to point out that the little guy or gal is still growing into their looks. Still, we’re pretty sure slathering a toddler in fake tanner and layers of makeup is not the answer.

7-year-old Poppy Burge, who also pole dances with her mother, with her birthday boob job voucher. Happy birthday?

Finally, in full on awkward gifts for girls, UK mom Sarah Burge gifted her 7-year-old daughter Poppy with a plastic surgery voucher that she can apply to a boob job when she turns 16. {Huffington Post} We were never great with the anniversary gifts, and aren’t sure if there’s something similar for birthdays, but hopefully the voucher for therapy is the appropriate gift for age 8.

The elder Burge has had over 100 aesthetic surgery procedures and calls herself the Human Barbie. If you’re thinking “this won’t end well,” you’re probably right. Closer, the UK magazine that reported this story previously covered the story of a 12-year-old who asked her mother for a boob job for her 13th birthday. The mother in that case had undergone 50 surgeries, and supports her daughter’s plastic surgery aspirations. While she did say she’d want her daughter to wait until her 16th birthday, that was in 2008, so her plastic dreams may have come true. {Daily Mail}

Also, this isn’t Sarah and Poppy Burge’s first time dancing with controversy for publicity. Little Poppy and her mom pole dance together, and Sarah gives her 16-year-old daughter Botox injections. {Daily Mail} Unlike the previous “Botox Mom,” this one seems to be legit.

Youth sure does look a lot different these days.