This will not end well

In their pursuit of the perfect republic, one where there are no tanning taxes and stripper clothing is not only accepted, but required for dealings with the government, Snooki, Snooki’s pouf, JWoww, JWoww’s breasts, Pauly D, Pauly D’s gel and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew is headed to old Italia! {Defamer/Gawker}

As if Berlusconi weren’t enough.

Considering their… unique command of the English language, we can. not. wait. to see the crew make their way through Italy. MTV is securing work permits to continue the charade that the cast members actually needs the part time jobs they’re assigned, and Vinny Guadagnino’s family members have reportedly already offered to host the crew.

So many questions: will Italian American relations be permanently damaged? How shocked will the cast be when they discover fair haired, blue eyed Italians? How depressed will the girls be once they observe the slim Italian guys who’ve replaced the “juice head gorillas” of the Shore? Why is this show such a guilty pleasure?

We’ll await answers in season four. To any Italian readers, our apologies on behalf of the US in advance. We’re sure one overly tan pop culture figure is plenty.

Perhaps viewers just want something different from reality stars like Heidi Montag who achieve conventional prettiness by any means necessary, and self appointed style experts like Lauren Conrad. For whatever it says about pop culture and our entertainment choices as a society, the Jersey Shore has helped boost MTV’s year over year viewership, and parent company Viacom’s earnings outlook along with it. {WSJ}

So, it’s perhaps only fitting that all of your favorite orange people were on hand at the NYSE this morning to ring the opening bell to celebrate the season 2 which kicks off on Thursday. The cast has reportedly gone from $10,000 per episode to $30,000 for season 3, and as unfortunate as the results may be, we applaud the cast’s entrepreneurial spirit. JWoww looked surprisingly professional, though we aren’t holding our breath for business suits in the Filthy Couture lineup. Besides her clothing line, Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino is expected to launch a clothing line soon, Snooki will promote hair poof products, and Pauly D’s been using his newfound fame to work the DJ circuit (a line of hair gel probably wouldn’t be a bad move either). While gym, tan, laundry is the daily mantra, hopefully “business” will be added to the routine so that the cast’s options don’t disappear once the sun sets on the Jersey Shore.

Don't worry, Snooki already has a new fake tanning method to promote

The tanning bed tax is expected to bring in $2.7 billion over the next decade to help fund increased health care coverage. According to the World Health Organization, tanning beds are a proven cause of cancer. Dermatologists used evidence that indoor tanning is unhealthy, especially in young people, to persuade congress to tax the service rather than cosmetic surgery. Also proposed in some states, notably New York, was a tax on soda, another proven health risk. Cigarettes already carry a tax, with New York Cityâ€s combined federal, city and recently increased state tax totaling $6.85 and registering as the highest in the nation. {The Boston Globe, The New York Times}

The potential for job losses is the only obvious downside to the new tanning services tax. Perhaps the added cost to using tanning beds will discourage people from continuing the unhealthy habit. The tax is also quite logical, as cigarettes are also a known cause of cancer that carry a tax. However, little evidence exists as to whether the increased cost cuts down on smoking. The new tanning bed tax is also in line with the recent national health care overhaulâ€s goal of focusing on preventative services.

The Jersey Shoreâ€s Snooki, an unofficial spokeswoman for tanning bed advocacy, is not too pleased.

“I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning,” she said. “He did that because of us. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and he’d probably want to be tan.” {Second City Style}

Snooki said she switched to spray tanning to avoid the tax, perhaps unintentionally proving the law effective in other ways than simply producing revenue. If she is any indication of the average tanner, it looks like the tax could in fact reduce the use of tanning beds.