Pics, or it didn't happen

Considering that Prince William and (the former) Kate Middleton’s wedding was one of the biggest media events in recent memory, how do you take advantage of lingering royal interest? If you’re Newsweek, you raise the dead – in this case, Princess Diana, mother of the groom.

Supposedly in commemoration of what would be her 50th birthday, Tina Brown pens a royal fan fiction piece in the current issue of Newsweek that imagines relationships with everyone from Dominique Strauss Kahn to a Pakistani military general.

“Always so professional herself, she would have soon grown exasperated with Dodi Al-Fayedâ€s hopeless unreliability. After the breakup I see her moving to her favorite city, New York, spending a few cocooned years safely married to a super-rich hedge-fund guy who could provide her with what she called “all the toys”: the plane, the private island, the security detail. Gliding sleekly into her 40s, her romantic taste would have moved to men of power over boys of play. Sheâ€d have tired of the hedge-fund guy and drifted into undercover trysts with someone more exciting—a high-mindedly horny late-night talk-show host, or a globe-trotting French finance wizard destined for the Élysée Palace. I suspect she would have retained a weakness for men in uniform, and a yen for dashing Muslim men. (A two-year fling with a Pakistani general, rumored to have links to the ISI, would have been a particular headache to the Foreign Office and the State Department.)” {Newsweek}

Well then, with her love life settled, how would Diana have received Duchess Catherine?

“The rising public adoration of Kate would have afforded Diana some tricky moments. Pleased, yes. But, like Frances Shand Kydd—who, days before Dianaâ€s wedding, suddenly burst out, “I have good long legs, like my daughter”—Diana would have had to adjust to a broadening of the limelight. Her edge over Kate, of course, was her own epic of princessly suffering, which would always make Dianaâ€s story more interesting. (“Happily ever after” will never have the same allure to the press as “It all went horribly wrong.”) Diana, rejoicing in her flawless Spencer pedigree, would have positioned herself as a firm defender of the Middletons against the palace snobs and ostentatiously made Carole Middleton, Kateâ€s dynamic mother, her new BFF.”

While “what would have Diana thought” was a common question around the time of the royal marriage, detailing her hypothetical love life and besties, and raising her from the dead (Photoshop is getting really advanced these days) for the cover of a magazine is a bit… uncomfortable, considering the circumstances surrounding the reason Princess Diana isn’t around for magazine covers or interviews.

One photo shows the couple warmly embracing each other, while another includes a more stately pose with portraits and other decorations from St. James’s Palace more clearly displayed in the background.

The Cut has identified Kate’s dress in the second photo as a year-old design from Reiss, a British retailer that sells moderately priced clothes, and the embroidered blouse in the close-up photo as one from UK retailer Whistles. Imagine the excitement everyone had when Michelle Obama started appearing in J.Crew as well as more established (and higher priced) labels, put a posh accent on it, and you basically understand the enthusiasm over the latest photos.

No word on what the retail response has been thus far, but the $500 dark blue Issa dress that the future princess wore to the engagement press conference sold out not long after Middleton wore it, and her engagement ring (which was once Princess Diana’s) has driven a resurgence in knockoffs as well.

There hasn’t been any confirmation on who will design her wedding dress, but gamblers in the UK are betting on Bruce Oldfield. {the Cut} We’re betting that an “inspired by gown” will make its way into stores not long after.

Marilyn Monroeâ€s famous “Diamonds are a Girlâ€s Best Friend” gown from the 1953 movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes was auctioned for a gasp-worthy sum over $300,000 this past weekend. The money Los Angeles auction house Profiles in History brought in for the pink satin number, dubbed “”the most important film dress to ever come to auction,” was well over its predicted $255,000 tag. It is so far unclear what wealthy fashionista purchased the dress and what he or she plans to do with it. {Toronto Sun}

In May, we covered this auction announcement from Profiles in History, who specializes in offering Hollywood memorabilia. The Marilyn Monroe piece, also well-known for being imitated by Madonna in the music video for “Material Girl,” was the star attraction at the auction this weekend. The iconic actress would have turned 84 years old this week.

The money shelled out for the gown beats the nearly $276,000 paid for Princess Dianaâ€s strapless black taffeta piece, which was also auctioned last week. The whopping $300k price tag of the pink gown would be impressive even to the gold-digging Lorelei, whom Marilyn Monroe portrays in the film, though it does pale in comparison to the $4 million coughed up last winter for the burial niche directly above her tomb. {InStyle}

More than 1500 Hollywood pieces were sold at the auction. The hat worn by the Wicked Witch of the West in the movie The Wizard of Oz went for an also eye-popping sum of $206,130, while Julie Andrews’ carpet bag from Mary Poppins brought in $97,911. Johnny Depp’s lasting popularity was evident as his bladed gloves from Edward Scissorhands and his Jack Sparrow jacket from The Pirates of the Caribbean movies sold for a combined total of $46,878. {University 5}