Heels from 5-year-old Suri Cruise's $150,000 shoe collection

We’ll start with Suri Cruise‘s $150,000 shoe collection, because it’s actually the least disturbing of the grown-up gifts trend. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise obviously have more money than most parents, so it’s probably not too much of a surprise that little Suri has some expensive things. What is a little bit of a surprise is how far the couple goes to satisfy their daughter’s sartorial wishes. It’s not that Tom and Katie stocked up on a walk in closet full of regular kids shoes; Suri’s starting her race to knock Imelda Marcos from her Shoe Queen throne on custom Christian Louboutin and Marc Jacobs shoes. {ABC News} We’re assuming those weren’t cheap.

While we’d normally recommend using a different color for any shoe sole add-ons, this is one situation where we have to say stickers or paint are probably the best way to go for any red soled shoe desires. Especially if the person who really wants the shoes is five and will likely outgrow the shoes in a year.

Further up the awkward meter is the Trendy Monkeys Salon and “Princess Parlour.” The English salon caters strictly to a 13 and under crowd, and offers mani/pedis, fruit smoothie facials and hair styling. All of which seems like it might be fun for little girls who want to have a little princess experience, but don’t have parents who can splash out for bespoke heels. Here’s where it gets a little weird: the salon also offers makeup and spray tan booths, which would seem to push things into that awkward child-pageant territory where you’re not quite sure how to feel about what you’re seeing. The youngest patron so far was 16-months old. {Daily Mail}

We’ve all been in that uncomfortable situation where someone whips out a baby picture and is like “isn’t little ____ so gorgeous?” and you’re like “ummm… awww!” because you don’t want to be the person to point out that the little guy or gal is still growing into their looks. Still, we’re pretty sure slathering a toddler in fake tanner and layers of makeup is not the answer.

7-year-old Poppy Burge, who also pole dances with her mother, with her birthday boob job voucher. Happy birthday?

Finally, in full on awkward gifts for girls, UK mom Sarah Burge gifted her 7-year-old daughter Poppy with a plastic surgery voucher that she can apply to a boob job when she turns 16. {Huffington Post} We were never great with the anniversary gifts, and aren’t sure if there’s something similar for birthdays, but hopefully the voucher for therapy is the appropriate gift for age 8.

The elder Burge has had over 100 aesthetic surgery procedures and calls herself the Human Barbie. If you’re thinking “this won’t end well,” you’re probably right. Closer, the UK magazine that reported this story previously covered the story of a 12-year-old who asked her mother for a boob job for her 13th birthday. The mother in that case had undergone 50 surgeries, and supports her daughter’s plastic surgery aspirations. While she did say she’d want her daughter to wait until her 16th birthday, that was in 2008, so her plastic dreams may have come true. {Daily Mail}

Also, this isn’t Sarah and Poppy Burge’s first time dancing with controversy for publicity. Little Poppy and her mom pole dance together, and Sarah gives her 16-year-old daughter Botox injections. {Daily Mail} Unlike the previous “Botox Mom,” this one seems to be legit.

Youth sure does look a lot different these days.

Diane von Furstenberg portrait by Chuck Close

In advance of  an exhibition at Beijing’s Pace Gallery, Diane von Furstenberg sat for a portrait with photographer Chuck Close weeks after a ski accident that left her with a broken nose and bruising. If all of that couldn’t make the iconic designer look bad, it should come as no surprise that the 64-year-old von Furstenberg’s wrinkles don’t have a chance at it either.

In an interview with Close for Harper’s Bazaar, von Furstenberg says “I gave up on my looks a long time ago. Beauty is perfect in its imperfections, so you just have to go with the imperfections.”

While von Furstenberg seems to be the beneficiary of good skin care, she’s eschewed more dramatic plastic surgery. Probably wise, since for every good cosmetic procedure, there’s at least one more that leaves the person looking worse than when they started.

Everyone ages differently, so cosmetic surgery may be a good choice for some people, but confidence and a fulfillment with life that’s more than skin deep is beautiful on everyone.

After the surgery, Leisz was unable to close her eyes completely or blink without effort. Blinking keeps eyes moistened, so Leisz has to use eyedrops to prevent damage to her eyes from drying and sleep with a humidifier. She also claims that she is unable to play tennis or raquetball, garden or swim. There was nothing to address why goggles or protective glasses wouldn’t enable Leisz to perform those activities, but she decided to sue Dr. Parker for the loss of eyelid function.

The verdict returned by a jury was mixed. While Leisz was awarded $115,000 and the jury found that Dr. Parker deviated from the standard of care by performing the surgery in the first place, they also rejected Leisz’s claim that she was not warned of the risk of incomplete eye closure. {NorthJersey.com}

Attorneys for both parties claimed the decision as a victory. Leisz’s lawyer said he was “happy to win a malpractice case, because theyâ€re so difficult.”

Parker’s attorney said “over the years Iâ€ve gotten to know a lot of doctors, and Dr. Parker is an extremely competent plastic surgeon. This is a woman who had 10 or more plastic surgeries. She certainly knew there were risks. The extremely modest judgment shows that the jury thought Dr. Parker was competent, too.”

Screenshot of Marilyn Leisz via Jezebel

We're not going to even guess at how much surgery these would require.

As the personal owner of really long, narrow feet (US size 12, European size 44, UK size 10) it’s not impossible to understand how someone could get past the initial shock value of broken toes and bone saws for the prospect of escaping the “comfort” shoes that tend to dominate in specialty sizes. In the case of foot pad injections, it’s a procedure that takes fat from a patient’s midriff and transfers it to the ball of the foot. It’s definitely not impossible to understand the appeal of less stomach fat, and more comfortable walking. Crunches and cardio may help with the first part, but they can’t do anything for the balls of your feet.

Still, does this just point to the need for some disruption in how we buy shoes? Shirt makers and dress designers have caught on to the problems that people face in finding a good fit with clothing. Making body modifications to fit an item of clothing isn’t unheard of: lots of women have a dress or pair of jeans they hope will serve as motivation for losing an inch or two, women with small chests may keep a pair of chicken cutlets in the back of the lingerie drawer to help fill out a certain top. When it comes down to it though, we have hunch that more people would rather pay for tailoring than surgery.

While there are stores and services that let you choose the color of your heel, or the fabric your shoe is made in, most operate on standard shoe sizes rather than individual patterns. Even high-end shoe makers don’t offer any couture style services where you can get a shoe that’s a little wider in the toe box, or a bit more narrow in the heel. Or maybe, you’d just like a little extra padding in certain areas and Dr. Scholl’s inserts don’t always do the trick. If for whatever reason flats (which can be easier to customize when it comes to padding, at least) aren’t your thing, your main options are comfort shoes that may make a weird attempt at fashion (ahem: Jimmy Choo, Teva, that’s you), or comfort shoes that don’t really try at all.

For now, if you can’t find cute shoes that fit, it looks like surgery may actually be the easiest option even if it does seem to be one small step backwards.