This will not end well

In their pursuit of the perfect republic, one where there are no tanning taxes and stripper clothing is not only accepted, but required for dealings with the government, Snooki, Snooki’s pouf, JWoww, JWoww’s breasts, Pauly D, Pauly D’s gel and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew is headed to old Italia! {Defamer/Gawker}

As if Berlusconi weren’t enough.

Considering their… unique command of the English language, we can. not. wait. to see the crew make their way through Italy. MTV is securing work permits to continue the charade that the cast members actually needs the part time jobs they’re assigned, and Vinny Guadagnino’s family members have reportedly already offered to host the crew.

So many questions: will Italian American relations be permanently damaged? How shocked will the cast be when they discover fair haired, blue eyed Italians? How depressed will the girls be once they observe the slim Italian guys who’ve replaced the “juice head gorillas” of the Shore? Why is this show such a guilty pleasure?

We’ll await answers in season four. To any Italian readers, our apologies on behalf of the US in advance. We’re sure one overly tan pop culture figure is plenty.

Radar reports that the clothing line was forced to close amid a threatened lawsuit by a company with a similar name. Sadly, the suit was not brought about by Couture, tired of having its good name abused by girls who identify themselves as filthy or juicy. Apparently the overpriced crystal studded “clubwear” did find a following: “Money needed to be returned to the people who had ordered clothing,” a source told Radar.

While this unnamed source claims that the pressures of running a clothing line were too much for the Jersey Shore star to handle, JWoww tweets that online sales have been stopped because she’s designing a new fall line, and waiting on her management to place the line in stores – so her fashion experiments will be back. And, while we’re still not sold on the clothes, JWoww has at least been able to master the art of the website redirect – something that eludes the digitally “gifted” Roberto Cavalli. FilthyCouture.com now takes visitors to JWoww’s personal site where you can get the latest news and sign up for the JWoww social network to commiserate with other lace and spandex enthusiasts.

In all seriousness, the saddest part of this story is that JWoww’s online fashion promotion abilities are better than many larger brands. The clothes aren’t for everybody, but kudos to her for putting a real effort into making those 15 minutes worth something.

Perhaps viewers just want something different from reality stars like Heidi Montag who achieve conventional prettiness by any means necessary, and self appointed style experts like Lauren Conrad. For whatever it says about pop culture and our entertainment choices as a society, the Jersey Shore has helped boost MTV’s year over year viewership, and parent company Viacom’s earnings outlook along with it. {WSJ}

So, it’s perhaps only fitting that all of your favorite orange people were on hand at the NYSE this morning to ring the opening bell to celebrate the season 2 which kicks off on Thursday. The cast has reportedly gone from $10,000 per episode to $30,000 for season 3, and as unfortunate as the results may be, we applaud the cast’s entrepreneurial spirit. JWoww looked surprisingly professional, though we aren’t holding our breath for business suits in the Filthy Couture lineup. Besides her clothing line, Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino is expected to launch a clothing line soon, Snooki will promote hair poof products, and Pauly D’s been using his newfound fame to work the DJ circuit (a line of hair gel probably wouldn’t be a bad move either). While gym, tan, laundry is the daily mantra, hopefully “business” will be added to the routine so that the cast’s options don’t disappear once the sun sets on the Jersey Shore.

But we couldn’t let this little discovery slide. As Dolly Parton has said, “it takes a lot of money to look this cheap,” and apparently that was the motto of Jenni Farley’s fashion experiment. We were prepared to cut the aspiring designer some slack. While boob slings and bedazzled bodices aren’t really our style, for what we assumed to be a junior/lap dancer collection priced under $100, the designs weren’t that much worse than some of the things you’d see at Frederick’s or Hollywood or a mall mainstay like Arden B.

Except that Filthy Couture’s lowest priced dress is $425, and the highest – a 2-piece lace travesty is $750. Seriously. We checked the entire site, so it’s not a case of a misplaced decimal.

We’re assuming the target market for Filthy Couture consists of people who’ve had a recent windfall from the sale of a sex tape or something, and we know that money does not equal style (in either direction), but still – $750? Really?And what’s worse is that the guys are likely to have their own line of ridiculous coming soon, as the Situation launches his own clothing collection. Crop tops for guys, we’re guessing.

Obviously there are 1000 words needed to fully articulate the insanity of the pricing here, so we’ll let pictures and a little math take over.

$750 will buy you…